


Disengage

by TheGreatCatsby



Series: Memory Series [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: The Winter Soldier spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1512416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Right when Loki was gaining SHIELD's trust, the organization was brought down. His capture at the hands of Hydra and the appearance of a man called The Winter Soldier makes him question what, exactly, he wants out of his new life, and who he should be trusting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look it's a sequel to Rearrange! Heavily inspired by The Winter Soldier which, if you haven't seen it, you should. This story will have a lot more Bucky and Steve in it.

“It’s your scepter,” Fury had said. “So go get it.” 

This command had shown a huge amount of trust that hadn’t been there before. Loki never expected Fury’s trust in anything, let alone with something to do with the past he’d tried to forget. 

Which is why he took the mission. He wanted to prove that he could be trusted. To wipe the smirks off the faces of all the agents who thought he was nothing more than a monster. To prove to himself—

“You are nothing to them,” snarled a voice above him. A man, but his vision was blurry and he couldn’t see. “They use you to make sure that you will never reach your full potential. But with us, you could be the king you once were.” 

“I was never a king,” Loki did not say. He couldn’t. They’d cut open his throat as part of a horrid experiment. Experiments, they called them. Not torture. 

“This would be a lot easier on you if you agreed,” the man told him, almost pleasantly. “Show us your magic.” 

Loki shook his head. 

“Okay,” said the man, still in that strangely pleasant voice. “I’ll convince you.” 

Loki felt something cold and unyielding clamp around his head. He realized what it was a moment before the device switched on, and he felt anger for the first time. 

The only person allowed to mess with his mind was himself, and even that was debatable. 

But he didn’t get a choice in the matter. The device switched on, and everything in his mind scrambled into something incomprehensible. 

**

“You do realize,” Fury said, leaning over the table, “that we don’t have the resources to storm the facility.” 

“So you want him to stay their prisoner?” Natasha asked. “He’ll never forgive us. Thor will never forgive us.” 

“I’ll never forgive myself if what few agents we have die in the extraction,” Fury said. “Loki’s job was to get the scepter and get out, and give us intel. He knew the risks.”

“Are you fully aware of the risks?” Natasha asked. “There is a possibility of brainwashing if he gets caught. Hydra’s been known to do that. And Loki is the last person—“

“I know,” Fury interrupted. “But we don’t have the resources.” 

Natasha nodded. It was frustrating. She didn’t regret that SHIELD had been largely disbanded, brought down to its essentials. What she didn’t like was struggling for manpower. She could’ve called Clint, but Clint was still wary of Loki and generally wanted very little to do with him. And the general consensus seemed to be that since Loki had started off as her partner, Loki was her responsibility. 

But she thought she knew one person who might help her, who had a mission of his own. 

**

She found Steve in the makeshift SHIELD headquarters that Hill had set up, which was known to only a few people. The main headquarters had been destroyed after Hydra had infiltrated SHIELD and, more importantly, after this fact was discovered. A few trusted agents remained, but a lot of the manpower and the weaponry had been destroyed.

Steve spent the time he wasn’t with the Avengers looking for Bucky. Bucky had disappeared after the part he’d played in Hydra’s near-take-over of SHIELD as an assassin known only as The Winter Soldier. According to Steve, Bucky had saved his life, and therefore, in Steve’s eyes, was worth saving. 

But he was untraceable. 

Natasha walked up behind him and braced herself. She knew that she had to ask Steve for help, but she also hadn’t told Steve about Loki’s mission at Hydra. She and Fury agreed that if they had, Steve might do something rash. Any delicate operations involving Hydra didn’t need personal problems to complicate things, and Steve’s problem with them was the definition of personal. 

She and Fury made themselves feel better by making the probably true assumption that Bucky wouldn’t be in that particular Hydra facility, anyway. 

“Steve,” she said by way of greeting, pulling up a chair next to him. Steve looked tired. He’d followed some leads around the world, and when he wasn’t doing that he was either fighting alongside the Avengers or doing research in this building. He never really took time for himself. 

“Natasha,” Steve said. The way he held himself, half-turned towards her and half towards the computer, told her that he really, really didn’t want to take a break. 

“How’s the search going?” she asked. 

Steve grimaced. 

“You look like you need a break,” she said. 

“If I took a break things wouldn’t be going at all,” Steve said. “At least going badly is going somewhere.” 

“Is that what you tell yourself?” Natasha asked. On the screen was a map with a few reports of sightings of strange people. The problem was, there were a lot of strange people in the world, and Bucky was actually one of the more normal ones. “I need help.” 

Now Steve turned towards her fully. 

“A few weeks ago we sent Loki on a mission to recover his scepter.” 

Steve raised his eyebrows. “You found it?” 

“We did,” Natasha said. “One of the surviving Hydra bases had taken it from SHIELD.” 

Steve’s expression hardened. “Who knew about this?” 

“Me, Loki, Fury and a few others,” Natasha said. “We didn’t think Bucky would be there. It was a simple extraction.”

“You should have told me,” Steve said. 

“Would you have gone?” 

Steve swallowed and looked away. 

“I need you to go now,” Natasha continued. “With me. Loki’s disappeared and we think they’ve captured him. And I’m sure they haven’t been kind.” 

Steve nodded. “Fine. But next time you tell me.” 

Natasha didn’t respond to that. She knew Steve would come anyway. 

**

The plane ride over was a few hours long, which was just enough time for Steve to start worrying. Natasha could see the uncertainty in his eyes, and how he kept looking at her like he wanted to ask her questions but kept stopping himself. 

“He won’t be there,” Natasha said after some time. 

“Loki?” Steve asked. 

“Bucky,” Natasha said. “Loki will be there. What condition he’ll be in is a different matter.” 

Steve nodded and looked down at his hands, then back up at Natasha. “What’s he like?” 

Steve wasn’t really familiar with Loki as a SHIELD agent. He hadn’t gone on missions with him like Natasha had. Most of the Avengers weren’t used to Loki as something other than an enemy. 

“He’s a pain in the ass,” Natasha said. “He’s a good agent. He can fight. His magic is an asset. His memory is a weakness. He’s still remembering things and dealing with the fact that he erased his whole life so that his father wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing him slowly lose his mind. He’s volatile.” 

“You’re worried,” Steve said. 

“Getting captured by Hydra isn’t the best situation for someone with issues,” Natasha said. “We wanted to give Loki more trust than we’d been giving him, which is why we sent him after the scepter in the first place.” 

“It was a test,” Steve said. 

Natasha shrugged. “In a manner of speaking. He’ll be furious.” 

“Because he didn’t get the scepter?” 

“Because he hates failure.” 

Steve nodded. He still looked on edge. “What do you think Hydra’s done to him?” 

“Killing him would be a kindness,” Natasha said. As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she’d been too harsh. “Hopefully, nothing that can’t be fixed.” 

“Death can’t be fixed,” Steve said. 

Natasha nodded, but she was thinking about all the things that happened in life that couldn’t be fixed. Steve was an optimist; he would believe that anything could be fixed if the person was alive to fix them. Natasha had seen often that this was not the case. 

She wasn’t optimistic. She just hoped that if Hydra chose to mess with anything, it wasn’t Loki’s head. 

**

The plane flew over dense forests situated near the Austrian Alps. Steve and Natasha pulled on their parachutes and jumped out over the given coordinates. 

The ground was dark when it rushed up to meet them, but Natasha could make out the outline of a large facility. And that was only part of it. Hydra’s facilities were mostly underground. 

She and Steve landed in a small clearing not too far away and made their way to the tree-line. 

“If we get separated,” Natasha murmured, “get out. Head to the clearing. If they follow you, go Northwest. There’s a town further down the valley.” 

Steve nodded. Natasha crept out of the trees towards the building and Steve followed. Within two minutes of reaching one of the entrances, they were in. 

Natasha killed the guards they came across quickly and with little fanfare. There was no noise, just a swift deployment of a silenced gun and the guards dropped without even noticing that they’d been attacked. Steve would have felt sorry for them if they weren’t Hydra. 

“Do you know where Loki is?” Steve asked as they rounded another corridor. The facility seemed to be full of long corridors. 

“I know where the scepter is,” Natasha said. “The scepter was near magic testing facilities. A few prisoners escaped two months ago and said that some prisoners were kept and experimented on near those labs.” 

“Right,” Steve said. “So you think they’ll have Loki there.” 

“If they’re not experimenting on him, they’re wasting an opportunity,” said Natasha. She knew, unfortunately, how they thought, and she’d be surprised if they weren’t experimenting on Loki. 

They encountered more guards as they got closer to the testing labs, and now the altercations became a bit noisier. Lack of communication with the perimeter guards had raised suspicions. 

“I’d say we have fifteen minutes, tops,” Natasha said, and they swung around a corner to find themselves faced with a large steel door. 

“Watch my back,” Natasha said as she examined the keypad to the door. 

There was shouting coming from some distance away. Steve unclipped his shield and aimed his gun. 

Several guards charged around the corner. Steve shot two of them and the other three came at him. Steve managed to shoot one of them at close range, and the remaining two tried to push Steve against the wall. Steve threw a punch at one as the other kicked him in the leg, which hurt, but didn’t cause any lasting damage. The other guard recovered from the punch and tried to stab Steve in the stomach. Steve grabbed his wrist and twisted until the knife fell to the floor, and then smacked the guard’s head against the wall.

He managed to knock the last guard unconscious just as Natasha opened the door. 

They rushed through, guns up, only to find the lab suspiciously empty. 

“They’re on alert,” Natasha said. 

They moved through the lab slowly. There were strange items locked away behind glass cases, and some of them looked alive. The scepter was, noticeably, missing. Natasha ignored everything and moved towards a door on the opposite side of the room, went through it, and stopped. 

Steve stopped behind her. Behind the door was a corridor lined with prison cells. These cells were fronted with what Natasha assumed was extremely strong glass. 

They moved through the cell block, looking through the glass at the prisoners. Some of the cells were empty, and others held emaciated figures, some of whom looked human, some of whom didn’t, and some of whom might have been experiments gone wrong. 

Steve looked pale. 

“Don’t think about it,” Natasha said, stopping in front of the second-to-last cell on the right. 

She looked inside and swallowed heavily. 

Loki had been chained to the floor. He was unconscious, half-naked, and looked starved. There were strange marks on his body, some of which looked like they’d been caused by electrocution, and others that looked like surgical scars. 

Behind her, Steve sucked in a sharp breath. 

Natasha figured out the code to the cell just in time for the rest of Hydra’s guards to burst into the lab. 

“I think our fifteen minutes are up,” Steve said shakily. 

Natasha stepped into the cell and undid Loki’s chains, half lifting him up from the floor. His head fell back and she shook him. Steve stood at the door, gun cocked and ready for the nearing guards. 

“Loki,” Natasha hissed, “now would be a good time to wake up. We need to get out of here.” 

Loki coughed and gasped, his eyes flying open. His hands pushed against Natasha until he realized who she was, and then he choked, “Out of the lab.” 

“Natasha,” Steve said. The guards had entered the cells. 

“Can’t—magic blocks,” Loki managed. 

Natasha understood and dragged Loki into a standing position. “We have to get out of the lab,” she said. “Loki can teleport us once we’re out.” 

“Past the guards,” Steve said, shooting several of them. 

“Yup,” Natasha said. 

Steve led them down the cell block, taking down more and more of Hydra’s guards. They seemed to keep coming, and Loki could hardly walk. If they had to stand and fight, they most likely wouldn’t win. 

“Run!” Natasha shouted. 

Steve plowed through the guards and sprinted towards the other side of the lab, Natasha following and dragging Loki along for the ride. They flew through the door and slammed it behind them, only to find themselves facing even more guards on the outside. 

“Loki,” Natasha said, as Steve dropped his gun in the hopes that the guards wouldn’t shoot, “now would be a good time to get out.” 

“Five seconds,” Loki said. 

Natasha grabbed onto Steve. One of the guards shouted at them, and then Loki murmured, “Now.” 

The guards and the facility disappeared in a disorienting whirl of color and wind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoilers for The Winter Soldier are about to begin here

Natasha felt her back hit the ground. Hard. She rolled and let go of Loki, and found herself staring at a clear night sky. 

The air was cold. 

There were no trees. 

“Where are we?” she heard Steve ask. 

Natasha pulled out her GPS and tried to turn it on. It didn’t work. She turned to Loki. “Did your magic fry the battery?” 

“Sometimes that happens,” Loki muttered. He sounded very close to being unconscious. 

“Do you know where we are?” 

“Just outside Munich,” Loki answered. “I’m sure help will arrive momentarily.” And then he passed out. 

“Is he okay?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah,” Natasha said. She was telling herself that, at least. “Are you?” 

Steve had a look on his face that could only be described as barely hidden disappointment. “I should be. I’m not the one who got hurt.” 

“You thought he’d be there.” 

“I did.” 

The sound of a helicopter drew their attention upwards, and ten minutes later they were riding towards the airport. 

**

Loki remained unconscious until they got back to the states and got him to the doctors, which was an accomplishment. Steve went back to his apartment to sleep off his disappointment at yet another broken lead, and Natasha waited by Loki’s bedside because she wanted to get to him before Fury’s psychiatrists did. Assuming Fury had psychiatrists left. 

It took Loki several hours to wake up, and when he did he woke up screaming. Natasha had to grab him to keep him from falling off the bed, and he tried to push her away, but she held tight until he managed to see her for who she was and not what his mind had made up. 

The terror faded, and in its place was embarrassment. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked. 

“Making sure you’re fine,” Natasha said, “which you’re clearly not.” Loki made a noise of protest but she cut him off. “You need to tell me what happened.” 

“I’m sure the doctors told you,” Loki said. 

They had, and it had been gruesome. It involved experiments and vivisection. 

“Not the physical, then,” Natasha said. “They wanted something from you.” 

“My magic,” Loki said. “My allegiance.” He laughed. “They made promises based on my past. They don’t know what happened.” 

“That you lost your memory,” Natasha said. 

“That someone took it,” Loki countered, and he frowned. Natasha frowned as well. “I blame him,” Loki added, quietly. “Odin. From what I’ve learned.” 

“And Thor?” Natasha asked. 

Loki swallowed. “What about Thor?” 

“You’ll have to face him at some point,” Natasha said. 

“Not now,” Loki said. He gave Natasha a thin smile. “I can only have so many people playing with my mind at a time.” 

Natasha didn’t return the smile. “No one’s playing with your mind here.” 

“Are you not?” Loki asked, and then looked surprised that he’d said it. “Sorry. I promised I would trust you. And I do trust you.” 

“You’re not well,” Natasha said. “I don’t blame you. Hydra must’ve said a lot.” 

“I’m not well,” Loki repeated. He closed his eyes. 

“I’ll let you rest,” Natasha said. Something about the whole conversation made her uneasy, and she needed to think on it for awhile. 

Loki didn’t answer, and Natasha let herself out. 

**

The second visitor to Loki was a surprise. Loki woke from a light nap that, thankfully, was devoid of dreams, to find Steve Rogers sitting at his bedside, sketching. 

Loki craned his neck to try and get a better view of Steve’s sketchbook, but Steve noticed that he’d woken up and closed the book. 

“I didn’t expect you,” Loki said. 

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked. 

Loki grimaced. He ached. He felt on the edge of falling into some sort of nightmare. His mind was trying to be in too many places at once and he couldn’t shake the things Hydra had done to him, what they’d said to him. 

He didn’t mean to say, “You’re not concerned about my health, Captain,” but it came out bitter and harsh and Loki felt sick at Steve’s briefly shocked look as soon as the words left his mouth. 

“I am,” Steve said. “I just never expected to work with you. It’s still new for me.” 

“I wouldn’t call this working with me,” Loki said. “You extracted me from a Hydra base.” 

“I did,” Steve said. “But it was originally your mission.” 

“A mission I failed.” 

Steve shook his head. “No one expected you to get captured, or for Hydra to still be as strong as they are in some places.” 

Loki took a deep breath, tried not to think of the knife that cut his skin countless times and dug deeper, of the words that dug just as deep. They’d wanted to use him—

“I had a question,” Steve said, sounding almost guilty about it. 

He wanted to use Loki, too. 

“What,” Loki said. 

“Did you hear…I’m looking for a friend. They call him the Winter Soldier. You’ve heard about him.” 

“Yes,” Loki said. 

“Did they mention—?” 

“No,” Loki snapped. He took another deep breath. “I would rather not think of my time there, Captain.” 

“Call me Steve,” Steve said. 

“Rogers,” Loki said, just to be difficult. “I’m sorry to disappoint you. I can’t—“

“It’s fine,” Steve said, his hands fluttering like he wanted to reach out to Loki but stopped himself just before he could. “Don’t worry. Stupid question anyway. I shouldn’t be making you think of this stuff. You need to recover.” 

“You want to find him,” Loki said. He looked up at the ceiling, blank and oddly calming. “He was your friend. Of course you want to find him.” He thought about how Thor wanted to find him, and the strange part of his mind that didn’t understand why Thor would even want to try looking in the first place. 

“I want to help him,” Steve said. “He doesn’t even know who I am anymore.” 

Loki wondered if Thor felt how Steve felt. Probably. Which made Loki feel guilty. 

“I’ll let you rest,” Steve said after a moment. “Sorry. I hope you feel better.” 

“Thank you,” Loki said, and Steve was gone. 

He couldn’t sleep after that. 

**

The third visitor Loki had was Nick Fury, first thing the next morning, after Loki had been woken from three nightmares, or memories. He was never sure which was which anymore. 

“Can you walk?” Fury asked him in lieu of a good morning. 

Loki forced himself to sit, and then stand up. Everything hurt and his insides felt like they’d been pulled out, tossed around, and put violently back in, which was all likely true to a certain extent. Still, somehow, when he stood his knees didn’t buckle. But he doubted he could walk more than a few steps, and he said so. 

“Lean on me,” Fury said. 

Loki did so, and they made their way slowly out of the room. Loki was out of breath by the time they reached the elevator down the hall, but Fury didn’t stop and Loki didn’t want to say anything. This was clearly important, because otherwise Fury probably wouldn’t have dragged Loki out of his recovery. 

Loki had never been this close to the Director before. Fury was shorter than him, but strong, and he still seemed distant even though Loki was leaning heavily on him. 

When the elevator opened on a lower level, Fury led them to steel doors and said, “Behind these doors is classified information. I’m bringing you in on this case because I feel that you can help, but you are not to give away any information on this, no matter how you feel on the subject. Do I make myself clear?” 

“Perfectly,” Loki said. He suddenly wanted to turn and run, didn’t want to know what was behind those doors, but Fury had already scanned his palm into the reader next to the door and Loki found himself dragged down a corridor with doors on either side lining the walls. 

Fury opened one of the doors by typing in a code on a keypad, and then ushered Loki inside. 

Loki’s knees buckled when he saw what was in the prison they’d entered, separated only by a glass barrier. 

“The Winter Soldier,” Fury said, somehow managing to manhandle Loki into one of the chairs facing the glass. 

The Winter Soldier turned, his dark hair hanging over his sunken eyes, which recognized nothing. 

Loki knew the feeling too well.


	3. Chapter 3

“James Buchanan Barnes, known as Bucky to most of his friends back in the day,” Fury said. “Captured by Hydra during the second world war and remade into The Winter Soldier. His mind’s been wiped and he’s been reprogrammed as an assassin.” 

Loki stared. Barnes stared back. He was sitting on his bed, wrists chained together. One of his arms was metal. 

Loki had seen the reports about The Winter Soldier and knew that he’d played a huge part in Hydra’s near take-over of SHIELD. His own hands were shaking and he clasped them together to hide this. 

“Why is he here?” 

“He’s a threat,” Fury said. “We wanted to contain him until he no longer is one.” 

“Why,” Loki said, “am I here?” 

“You’re the only one of our current agents who’s experienced total memory loss,” Fury said. “The only one who’s had to rebuild from scratch. The only one whose memories were taken by someone else. And, you’ve dealt with Hydra trying to make you a weapon. We thought you were the perfect fit.” 

“To do what?” Loki asked. 

“To break through to Barnes,” Fury said. “He won’t talk.” 

“Why not send Rogers in?” Loki asked. “He’s been looking.” 

“I’m not convinced Rogers has the facilities to deal with the situation at hand,” Fury said. “He sees Barnes as his friend, and not as the Winter Soldier. But Barnes isn’t the same as he was back then.” 

Loki realized that this was why Fury had emphasized the classified nature of this. Because Steve would not be pleased, at all. Because no matter what Loki thought, no matter how right it would be to tell Steve, he couldn’t because this was a mission now. And he’d told Fury that he would comply. 

“You want me to cure him,” Loki said after a moment.

“Assess the threat level,” Fury corrected. “Make him talk. If you can help him, that’s a bonus.” 

“How long will you keep him here?” Loki asked. What he really meant was, “How long will you not tell Rogers?” 

“As long as it takes,” Fury said. “Is there a problem?” 

“No,” Loki said. Barnes’ eyes bore into him. He felt dizzy. 

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Fury said. Loki didn’t even turn. He heard the door shut behind him. 

And now he was alone in the room with an assassin who had probably gone through worse than Loki had. He felt angry at Fury for making him use his experience this way. He’d hardly had time to recover. He wasn’t even sure he could sit in this chair for that much longer. 

“I know what Hydra did to you,” Loki said after a moment. 

Something flickered in Barnes’ eyes. “What?” 

“They turned you into a machine,” Loki said. “A monster. They tried to do the same with me.” 

“Someone found you,” Barnes said. 

“Had they known about you, they would have found you,” Loki told him. 

Barnes looked like he didn’t believe it, but didn’t press the issue. Instead he said, “who are you?” 

“I’ve lost my memory,” Loki said. “I’m like you. Except I was a monster before.”

“What are you now?” 

Loki’s lips twisted into something resembling, only vaguely, a smile. “I can’t say.” He leaned forward, hoping that it looked more like a casual movement than what it really was, which was that he was tired of sitting upright. “Do you remember anything?” 

Barnes’ gaze flickered away. “Captain America. He knew me.” 

Loki swallowed. “Do you know him?” 

“No,” Barnes said. “But it felt right. Like I did know him. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to save me.” 

Loki wanted to tell him that he would never be the man Rogers once knew. Too much had happened since then. But instead he said, “Perhaps he can help you remember.” 

“I don’t know if it would help,” Barnes said. 

“Why not?” Loki asked. 

“I’m so angry,” Barnes said, clenching his metal fist. 

Before Loki could respond, the door behind him opened again, and Fury said, “That’s enough for today.” 

Loki tried to stand up and fell over. Fury dragged him to his feet and pulled him into the corridor, and they made their way back towards the hospital room. 

“I need,” Fury said when they’d put some distance between themselves and the room, “you to keep a level head.” 

“My head is nothing if not level,” Loki said, which was a terrible lie and they both knew it. 

“I don’t want you letting this mess with you,” Fury said. 

“Then why pick me?” Loki asked. “Why so soon after Hydra?” 

“I had very few choices,” Fury said. They’d reached the hospital room and Loki practically collapsed on the hospital bed. “Rest. We’ll need you again soon.” 

Then he left, and Loki stared up at the ceiling feeling wrung-out and used. 

**

The problem was, Loki remembered very few things about Asgard and his past first-hand. He knew what his past-self had written in a journal, and that was it. The information he’d been given didn’t spark anything more than impressions about certain people and anxieties and the sense of self-hatred. He didn’t remember things like the fun times he and Thor had together, or their fights, or what his parents were like. He only knew that he distrusted Thor, and distrusted the idea of Asgard. 

The next day Natasha came in and said, “Thor wants to see you.” 

“Thor always wants to see me,” Loki said. “What makes this time any different?” 

“Where did Fury take you yesterday?” she asked. 

Loki stared at her. “You don’t know.” 

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not privy to everything that happens all the time,” Natasha said, sounding like she’d had to admit this many times before, and like she didn’t like doing it one bit. 

“He wanted to ask me about my experience,” Loki said. He was good at lying. That was one thing he’d retained through his memory loss, and it should have disturbed him how easy it was, to twist reality to suit his needs. But it didn’t. 

“How’d that go?” Natasha asked, making it sound casual even though it wasn’t. Loki wondered if she really didn’t know anything or if she knew everything and this was some sort of test. SHIELD was good at tests. 

“As well as one might expect,” Loki said. “I don’t enjoy thinking about it. After all, it was only two days ago that I was rescued.” 

“SHIELD is a bit tactless with those sorts of things,” Natasha said, “probably because they assume their agents are used to it.” 

She certainly was. Loki wondered if he had been, before coming to Earth. “What does Thor think we’d talk about?” he asked, changing the subject even though talking about Thor was only marginally better than talking around his secret mission for Fury. 

“Old memories,” Natasha said. “Things you used to do together.” 

“Yes,” Loki drawled, “fond stories that I have no attachment to, but that Thor will expect me to enjoy the same way he does, like a good brother should. I am not that man, and I suspect I never was.” 

“At some point you two got along,” Natasha said. 

“I’ve heard I was a liar,” Loki pointed out. 

“Still are,” Natasha said, “but that doesn’t mean you were never genuine.” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Loki said. 

Natasha shrugged. “Sometimes it’s hard for people who lie all the time to remember what the truth was like. But there’s a freedom in not remembering at all. You can choose what you want to believe and it’ll be just as true.” 

“That is a lie,” Loki said. 

“There’s no rules, Loki,” Natasha told him. “I thought you’d figured that out by now.” 

He hadn’t, and he had a feeling she really hadn’t, either.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Busy with my masters, so updates are sporadic! But I hope you enjoy!

“Who were you before they took your memory?” 

That was the first thing Barnes asked when Loki went back into his cell to talk. Clearly, he’d been doing some thinking. 

“They tell me I was a prince,” Loki said. “A brother. A son. I told myself I was none of these things. Does it matter?” 

“I was a friend,” Barnes said. “Like a brother. And I forgot.” 

“You feel some truth in it,” Loki said. 

“And what about you?” Barnes asked. “How do you feel towards the people you knew?” 

“Well, one of them is responsible for taking my memory,” Loki muttered. He thought about Thor, who was the only person he’d seen of his family since. He’d written, in his journal, that Frigga had been kind, that she’d understood him the most. But he couldn’t even remember what she looked like or sounded like, let alone what shape that kindness and understanding had taken. Thor was really the only anchor left of that life. 

“Steve wanted to save me,” Barnes said, and Loki noted that it was “Steve” now and not “Captain America.” 

“I imagine our situations are quite different,” Loki said. “I didn’t lie when I said I was a monster. I destroyed so much. This was a punishment. What happened to you was not.” 

“Hydra wiped my mind,” Barnes said. “I know that. They changed me. Took out James Barnes and put the Winter Soldier in and now—“

“You don’t know if you’ll get James Barnes back,” Loki said. “You want to put the Winter Soldier to rest. To lay the monster in its grave.” 

“Yes,” Barnes said. “Will SHIELD do the same to me as Hydra did? Will they use me?” 

SHIELD uses everyone, Loki did not say. But he could see how being in a cell with another organization that was similar to Hydra, even if they were on the “right” side, would not be conducive to healing. 

Or perhaps Loki was letting Barnes’ paranoia rub off him. 

“They use you,” Barnes said, which was the worst thing he could have said at that point. 

“They don’t,” Loki said, like he meant it. He tried not to think about how the only person who loved him was Thor. Maybe. And that SHIELD was just a really good distraction. 

“Is this what you wanted?” Barnes asked. 

“I didn’t get to make that choice,” Loki snapped, twisting his hands together. 

“Then what choices are you making?” Barnes asked. Like a challenge. A demand. 

He was scared. 

Loki stood up, a little shakily. He hadn’t fully healed, but he didn’t care. He was fully dressed, not in a hospital gown like he’d been the last few days, and more importantly, he felt like he still had enough energy to not fall over for a few hours. 

“This one,” he said, stepping up to the glass and then stepping through it. 

Barnes stood up and held his metal arm out in front of him. 

That didn’t stop Loki from grabbing his wrist and teleporting them away. 

**

They landed in the middle of a forest, which was somewhere in upstate New York. Loki had chosen it because he knew that one of the outlying Hydra bases had operated there before the fall, which meant that there would be a facility, which meant that there would be a place to possibly take out some frustrations. Fury would’ve gone after it himself if he’d had a big enough staff left after everything. 

Barnes was shocked enough not to attack Loki as soon as they were on solid ground, but he did grab Loki’s arm in a bone-crushing grip and hiss, “What was that?” 

“I have certain talents,” Loki said. “Is this not an improvement? If you’re going to put the Winter Soldier to rest, you can’t do it from a cell.” 

“They’ll be looking for us,” Barnes said. He let go of Loki’s arm and took a step back, fixing him with a wary look. 

“We’ll be gone before then,” Loki said. “There is a Hydra base not too far from here.” 

They locked eyes. “You want me to destroy them.” 

“I want you to make a choice,” Loki said. 

Barnes closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were full of anger. “I want to destroy them.” 

“Then do it,” Loki said. 

Fury would not approve. 

**

The base was small and almost neglected. 

Almost. 

“I will gather information,” Loki said. 

Barnes was watching him watch the base. “Why did you take me from them?” 

“We have much in common,” Loki said. “And what we have in common SHIELD can’t fix.” 

Barnes nodded and moved forward, and Loki followed in his wake. 

**

There were traps, and guards, and Barnes disarmed the security and killed the guards with ruthless efficiency. Loki barely had to get his hands dirty. He noticed as they worked their way further into the base that Barnes’ style of fighting became less efficient, and more erratic. 

Emotional fighting. 

That was a good sign. 

They made it to the main control room. Loki found the main computer terminal and a chip that could store information, and he downloaded what he thought was relevant from the computers. 

Hydra had been using SHIELD’s files, and they were very thorough. 

He managed to get information on Barnes, on himself, and he downloaded some on Natasha and Clint for good measure, simply because he didn’t know as much as he would have liked about the two assassins he was supposed to trust enough to work with. 

Barnes watched him gather this information and said, “Can you add Steve Rogers?” 

Loki did so before disconnecting the chip and hiding it in what Natasha called a magic pocket dimension, and what Loki suspected had an actual name that he’d once known. He’d known how to do it on instinct, could sort of remember the theory behind it, but could not put words to any of this. And he’d stopped trying after a certain point. 

“Someone will have raised the alarm,” Loki said. “I know of an empty SHIELD base. I can conceal us, and they won’t come looking.” 

Barnes looked distracted. He only nodded, and Loki grabbed him by the arm again and transported them to the inside of a small SHIELD base in the middle of the Great Plains. 

“I wasn’t the sort of man who would kill people in cold blood,” Barnes said. They were in a room made of concrete, with a steal door on one side and a computer terminal on the other. Loki made his way over to the terminal and turned it on. Barnes followed him. 

“This was revenge,” Loki said. “How did it feel?” 

“Good,” Barnes said, but he sounded troubled by it. 

The computer turned on and Loki inserted the chip into a reader. “Perhaps this will aid you in laying the Winter Soldier to rest.” 

“SHIELD won’t be happy with you,” Barnes said. 

“I am not theirs,” Loki told him. The words tasted good on his tongue.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates! I'm in the last six weeks before summer break and the workload is intense. Lots of writing to do, basically, on multiple projects. So if updates are slower than usual until August, that's why! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!

Loki pulled up the file on James Buchanan Barnes first. Then he took a step back and let Barnes navigate through it while he watched and read. 

“This is very detailed,” Barnes said after a moment. “I saw an exhibit in the museum about me and Steve Rogers, but that only told me what the world saw me as. Not what I actually was.” 

“And now you can’t remember,” Loki said. He knew what SHIELD and the Avengers had seen him as: a monster. Asgard had seen him as a monster. Thor saw him as a brother, but Loki hadn’t believed him. At least, this was what Loki had managed to find out. These feelings shouldn’t have been his to have anymore. But he still felt them. 

“Why did you break into a Hydra facility?” Barnes asked. 

“I was tasked with retrieving a magical artifact,” Loki said. “I was unsuccessful.” The scepter. A weapon he’d used when he’d been trying to take over the world. He’d struck up an alliance with an alien race. Striking up alliances was a habit he apparently hadn’t shook off. 

“Hydra still has it?” Barnes asked. 

Loki nodded. “I can attempt to find it. They must have taken it when they thought SHIELD would come for me.” 

“Do you like working for SHIELD?” Barnes asked. 

He did. But he’d run away for a reason. “I don’t know if this is what I would have wanted. Faced with,” here, he gestured at Barnes, “your story, I became more aware of my own. SHIELD kept you from making your own choices, locked you away. I wish they hadn’t.” He licked his lips. “I need to find out what I am.” He tilted his head to the side. “What do you want?” 

“To remember,” Barnes said. “Everything. Do you?” 

Loki didn’t know. He wanted to remember, sometimes, the details. And sometimes he thought that his past self had given him a gift, and it would be foolish to refuse. He looked at Barnes. “Do you want to go back?” He hoped Barnes would say no. 

“Not yet,” Barnes said. He gestured towards the information in front of him. “I need to process this.” 

Loki nodded, once. “Then would you accompany me to find my scepter?” 

Barnes nodded. Ten minutes later they were gone. 

**

“Loki’s disappeared. And he’s taken the prisoner.” 

Natasha leaned forward. “I take it he didn’t like keeping Barnes a secret.” 

Fury glared at her. “I need you to find both of them.” 

“You don’t want the others to know about it,” Natasha said. 

“I’d prefer if they didn’t,” Fury said. 

Natasha sat up. “Steve trusts me. I don’t know why you’re not telling him about Barnes, but it had better be a damn good reason because Steve’s been looking and he won’t stop.” 

“Barnes is dangerous,” Fury said. “I’d rather contain the threat. Rogers isn’t trained to deal with this.” 

“Not a lot of us are,” Natasha pointed out. “You sent Loki in to deal with it, and he’s the last person you should’ve sent.” 

“I thought Loki could gain his trust,” Fury said. 

“He did that a little too well,” Natasha muttered. She stood up. “I’ll find them. But if Steve asks, I can’t guarantee complete secrecy.” 

She didn’t wait for Fury to respond. 

**

“I knew him.” 

Loki ignored Barnes, concentrating on the facility in front of him. Barnes saying he knew Steve was like Loki saying he knew Thor, a fact that Loki didn’t like to think about. 

The facility was heavily guarded on the inside as far as Loki could tell. There was nothing to dampen the magic—their mistake. Which meant that Loki could reach out and see everyone inside. He could also feel the pulsing energy of the scepter. 

“What do you want to do?” he asked instead of acknowledging that Barnes had said anything. 

Barnes glanced up at the facility. “I don’t know,” he said. Loki nodded, and Barnes added, “I’m not a monster.” 

“You don’t want to destroy them,” Loki said. 

Something moved in Barnes’ eyes, dark and writhing. “You go. I’ll stay.” 

Loki stood up, slowly, and gave the facility one last assessment before disappearing inside. 

**

The facility was cold. 

Not that the cold bothered Loki (and he definitely didn’t want to think about that) but it made the whole place seem even more clinical. They’d been horribly clinical when they’d been torturing Loki, and it made his skin crawl now. 

He was alone in a room that was sealed and guarded, and no one knew he was here. 

A blue glow caught his eye, and he turned and found himself staring at the golden scepter with the ethereal blue stone that he’d failed to attain on Fury’s mission. 

Now he was on his own mission, and he hesitated a moment before stepping forward. And then he was standing over the scepter, one pale hand hovering over it. 

He grabbed it, and it felt warm, like it was pulsing with energy. 

All at once, memories flooded Loki’s mind. Not full memories, but images that he knew were real, that came from experience. Memories that didn’t come from what he’d read in his journal or what he’d been told, but that actually came from inside his head. 

His fingers clenched around the scepter and he thought about what he could do with it. Fury hadn’t let him know the specific power of the weapon but he had an image of blue seeping into the eyes of Clint Barton, and a connection, undying loyalty that didn’t make sense, of the tip of the scepter touching Barton’s heart—

Loki could kill them all with this. All of Hydra. He could make them kill each other. Control them. 

“I’m not a monster.” The words came into his head, and he couldn’t remember whether it was his thoughts or him remembering Barnes saying them. 

He thought about Barnes, and spirited himself back to his side. 

**

Barnes’ eyebrows drew together when Loki appeared in front of him. His expression was guarded. “What is this?” 

“Power,” Loki said. “I could control Hydra with this.” 

Barnes twitched at the word “control.” It registered in Loki’s mind as a small thing. 

“I could destroy them all.” 

“You couldn’t do that anyway?” Barnes asked. 

He could have. It would’ve been harder. But he could have. 

“Do you want me to?” Loki asked. “Say the word.” 

“I want my life back,” Barnes said. “I’m not a monster. And you aren’t, either.” 

“That isn’t true,” Loki said, lowering the scepter, which he hadn’t even realized he’d raised. “You don’t know me.” 

“They made me this way,” Barnes said. His jaw twitched, like he was holding something in. 

“I wasn’t made this way,” Loki said. “Not by anyone else. I make and unmake myself.” 

“You’re afraid,” Barnes realized. “That’s why you left SHIELD.” 

“No,” Loki said. His hands were shaking, or one was, hidden behind his back. The other still clutched at the scepter. 

“Who gave you that?” Barnes asked. “Is it yours?” 

It wasn’t. Loki knew that. He knew it was alien technology. He knew it linked back to what he didn’t want to remember, to the things he’d almost done and never got the chance to do. 

He thought about pressing the blade to Thor’s heart. And then—

He dropped the scepter, and it disappeared before it hit the ground. 

“We have to go back,” Barnes said. 

“They’ll lock you away,” Loki said, quietly. 

“Not to SHIELD,” Barnes said. 

Loki swallowed. He could take them back, but to who? 

“I want to see Steve Rogers,” Barnes said. 

Loki didn’t know where else to go.


	6. Chapter 6

When they arrived in New York City it was the middle of the night. Steve’s apartment was quiet, and Loki and Barnes stood in the living room for a moment, unsure of what to do. 

Loki half hoped Rogers wasn’t in. 

But then a loud click broke the silence, and both men turned towards the sound to see a gun aimed at them, and Steve standing in the shadows. 

Surprise flickered over Steve’s face, then relief, and then he lowered and holstered the gun. “Bucky,” he said. Then to Loki, “How did you find him?” 

“I didn’t,” Loki said. “Fury did.” 

Steve frowned, trying to figure out what that meant. And then he looked disappointed. “I thought we were past this,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. Then he looked at Barnes again. “What happened?” 

“They captured me,” Barnes said. “He—Loki—helped me escape.” 

Steve looked at Loki again, a silent “thank you” written in his features. 

Loki didn’t give him the chance to say it. “I’ve left SHIELD.” 

“Permanently?” Steve asked. 

Loki didn’t know. “For the moment,” he said, “I feel that it’s best I don’t work with them.” 

“Fury won’t like that,” Steve pointed out, sounding like he didn’t care that Fury wouldn’t like it. 

Loki gave him a cold smile. “I know.” 

This seemed to make Steve worry; he stiffened. “What brought this on?” 

“You were meant to trust SHIELD,” Loki said. “They lied to you. And Barnes has been nothing but used.” 

This didn’t seem to reassure Steve. He glanced at Barnes again, and as he did Loki felt like he was intruding. This was a reunion between two old friends, even if one of them didn’t remember. Barnes wanted to remember, wanted to be the man who’d known Steve his whole life, who would die for Steve, and Steve was more than willing to be patient. 

Loki had no one like that. It was his own fault. 

Instead he sketched a light bow to Steve and another to Barnes, an urge that he was sure had to do more with his past than his present, and then disappeared. 

He reappeared in his own apartment. It was risky, considering SHIELD knew where he was, but he could think of nowhere else to go. And the scepter was safe from them. It was his. He finally had something he could call his own. 

His hands were still shaking. He wondered if he was having what Natasha called a break-down. 

It took SHIELD an hour to knock down his door. 

**

“It’s good to see you,” Steve said. He sat on the couch next to Bucky and set a mug of tea in front of him. Steve held his own mug and tried not to look too expectant. 

Bucky didn’t pay the tea any mind. He glanced at Steve and then his eyes skittered away again. “I wanted to see you,” he said. It sounded like a question. 

“I’ve been looking for you,” Steve said. “I meant what I said, in the carrier.” 

Bucky jerked his head, an approximation of a nod. “I’m trying to find out who I was.” 

“I know.” 

Bucky looked down at his hands, one flesh and one metal, both resting in his lap. “I didn’t know there were others like me.” 

“It’s rare,” Steve said. “Loki is a complicated case.” 

“Who is he?” Bucky asked. “Did Hydra get him too?” 

Steve grimaced. “It’s not like that. He, uh, he wasn’t a good man.” 

“Is he now?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Bucky glanced at Steve again. “Do you think I can be?” 

“I know you are,” Steve said. 

Bucky held his gaze, willing himself to believe it. 

**

Loki’s wrists were chained to a steel table, his back pressed against a hard, uncomfortable chair. He didn’t resist, didn’t even teleport away. Natasha watched him cooly, sitting opposite. He looked back at her. 

She said, “How are you?” 

“Does it matter?” Loki asked. 

“Yes.” 

He laughed. “I wasn’t aware that SHIELD cared about their agents’ well-being.” 

Natasha gave nothing away. “What gave you that idea?” 

“The secrets,” Loki said. 

“You’re angry about Barnes,” Natasha said. 

“What does it mean for me?” Loki asked. “Barnes was used. Were you using me? If I had said no to SHIELD, would you have imprisoned me until I said yes? Would you have told Thor? I know you considered not telling him at all. You considered locking me up. Am I only free because you thought I would be a good asset?” 

“Yes,” Natasha said. “You are free because you said yes to us, and we asked you because you are a good asset. Loki, I know you don’t feel a personal connection to what you did, but the rest of us remember it too clearly. We wanted to prevent a repeat performance.” 

“It feels personal,” Loki said. “Even after SHIELD had been destroyed by its own faults you still hold up the most immoral of your values.” 

“I’m not Fury,” Natasha said. 

“But you’re representing him now,” Loki told her. 

“I represent myself,” Natasha said. “You’re my partner, or you were. I haven’t been able to be in the field as often after what happened, and you left. I have a right to know what’s happening.” 

“I left,” Loki said. He leaned forward. “Are you going to let that happen?” 

Natasha folded her hands on the table in front of her. Her mouth tightened.

Loki’s heart started beating faster. “Do I have a choice?” he asked. His voice sounded tense, and he hated it. 

“We all have choices,” Natasha said. 

“The illusion of choice,” Loki muttered. “You gave me a choice at a vulnerable time. Was it really?” 

“We’ve helped you,” Natasha said. “Is your trust so easily broken down? We have the most to fear. Not you.” 

“Not me,” Loki repeated. “I am at odds with Thor for a reason. With all of them. My trust was broken. I have much to fear.” He could feel his voice getting harder, colder. He was angry, at her. She was trying to make him angry at himself. Or perhaps that was him. He wasn’t sure. 

Ever since he’d first read his journal he’d been trying to figure out who to be angry with. SHIELD was giving him the perfect outlet. 

“I know you’ve never really trusted SHIELD,” Natasha said. “Do you trust me?” 

It felt like a trick question. “I trust you,” Loki said after a moment, “because you’ve put yourself out there. I can’t trust everyone else. I can’t trust that they won’t use me. And I can’t work with you if you’re working with them.” 

Nothing really changed, but somehow Natasha’s expression softened. “What’s your next move, then?” she asked. 

“What do you want from me?” Loki asked in return. 

Natasha leaned forward, and said, her eyes locked on his, “Make your move.” 

Loki stared at her. 

She leaned back and added, louder, “You should know that I know how you feel. I know what it’s liked to be used. I won’t begrudge you what you do, as long as you don’t make yourself my enemy.” 

Loki made his move. 

He disappeared. 

**

Loki was good at disappearing. It was all he’d done for the past several days. He didn’t go back to his apartment. SHIELD would look there. 

Instead, he spelled a real estate agent in London to give him a furnished flat. Forcing someone to submit to him was easier than he expected, but he felt sick afterwards. 

This was the kind of man he used to be. And perhaps, he still was. Perhaps he’d always been a monster. 

He shook the thought. This was necessary until he could get himself together. Until he could think, could feel secure that he was making his own choices. 

He didn’t know where to go next. 

He had the scepter. He conjured it on the floor of his new bedroom and stared at it. The power was intoxicating. He used to know so much about power, and how to wield it in so many ways. Now, everything came on instinct, and he relied on that instinct over and over again. He still didn’t know the technicalities of how his magic worked, and it frustrated him. 

He used to be so much more. He could do so much more. 

Perhaps the scepter was the key.

He knew he’d turned it on other people. He wondered what might happen if he turned it on himself. If it dealt with the mind, if it controlled people by opening their minds to something greater, then maybe the person wielding it on themselves would unlock everything about themselves. 

He shuddered. He didn’t want it. 

He could destroy it. 

He didn’t want that either. He wanted to unlock it. He wanted to have that power, even if he didn’t want to control people again. 

He realized what he wanted was leverage. 

If he turned the thing on himself, if unlocking his mind would unlock his knowledge about magic, then he would be much less vulnerable. And he valued knowledge above almost everything else. 

His fingers slid across the handle of the scepter. It was hard to look away. 

He never got the chance. 

**

“I know you don’t remember,” Steve said, “not yet. But you will.” 

“I feel like I’m not him,” Bucky said. 

Steve tried not to think about how Bucky wasn’t the Bucky he remembered. That Bucky was gone, lost to the war. They would have to accept each other for who they were now, not who they’d been. He tried to remember that. 

“I feel like I’m a disappointment,” Bucky said. 

“You’re not,” Steve told him. 

“I’ve killed so many people,” Bucky said. 

“You weren’t you,” Steve said. 

Bucky looked away. He looked on the edge of breaking. Steve had the feeling that it would be a long time before Bucky was ever solid like he used to be. 

**

Loki had fallen asleep next to the scepter, and he woke up to the sound of glass breaking. When he opened his eyes, the scepter blade was pointed at his face. 

“Kneel,” growled the man holding the scepter. Loki slowly pushed himself up, dazed. The blade moved from his head to his chest. 

“Good,” the man said. “We lost you once. We will not lose you again. You are our chance to thrive.” 

Loki swallowed. Tried to make his chaotic thoughts form something coherent, something that would get rid of the scepter. He felt the energy within him burst. At the same time, the coffee table behind the man shattered. 

It wasn’t what he’d meant to do. Loki wished, in that moment, that he hadn’t forgotten everything. 

The man sneered. “Hail Hydra,” he said, and pressed the blade to Loki’s heart. 

Loki’s mind felt like it was being trapped, pushed further and further into his own head while a different urge took over. Hydra. It coursed through his blood, took up every cell of his body, and Loki wanted to scream but that part of his mind was detached, unable to find an outlet. 

“Stand,” the man said. Loki slowly rose to his feet. “Now.” The man lowered the scepter. “Find the Winter Soldier and bring him in. Kill the remaining SHIELD agents and the Avengers.” 

Loki inclined his head. A blue light washed everything clear, and there was only this objective. He teleported to Steve’s apartment. 

**

When Loki appeared, Steve felt confused. But he could see the relief in Bucky’s face. Someone who understood him. 

But something was wrong. 

“Loki,” Steve said. Loki stood too still in the middle of his living room. Steve placed a hand on his gun. Bucky watched them both. 

“Rogers,” Loki said, taking a step forward. He glanced at Bucky and them smiled. “Oh. You think you can change him.” 

Steve felt a pang of anger. “You brought him here.” 

“Did I?” Loki asked. “That was a mistake. I’d like to take him back, now.” 

“Back where?” Bucky asked, his metal hand clenching into a fist. 

“Where you will be of use,” Loki said. 

Steve raised his gun, cocked it. “Loki, what is this?” 

“I left something here,” Loki said. “I need it back.” He made a sudden movement, and Steve lurched to the side. A silver knife flew past him and embedded itself in the wall. 

“Stop,” Steve growled between clenched teeth. “I don’t want to shoot you.” 

“Then don’t,” Loki said. “Give up Barnes.” 

“I’m not coming,” Bucky said, softly. 

Loki tilted his head. “You don’t have a choice.” He threw another knife and it embedded itself it Bucky’s metal arm. Bucky wrenched it free. 

Loki started walking forward, slowly, his eyes locked on Bucky. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, his voice oddly soft. “I want you to use your gift to help the world.” 

Bucky stared at him and dropped the knife. “Gift,” he repeated. 

Now Loki was only a few steps away. “You have so much to offer,” he said. “Why let it go to waste?” He conjured up another knife. 

A shot rang out. Loki jerked forward and Bucky stepped back so that he fell on the floor. Behind him, Steve held a smoking gun. 

“Get out,” he said. “Before I kill you.” 

Loki laughed, high and thin. “You won’t kill me, Rogers.” He looked up at Bucky, and Bucky stared back. Loki’s shoulder was bleeding, red drops staining the floor below him. “Still, I think I should go. I have so much to do.” He laughed again, oddly broken, and vanished. 

Steve placed the gun on the counter and stared at the blood on the floor. 

“Something’s wrong,” he said. 

“How do you know?” Bucky asked. He felt betrayed. He’d trusted Loki as much as he could trust anyone. And Loki wanted to use him like the rest of them.

“His eyes,” Steve said. He’d gotten a glimpse of them. Blue. Too blue. Tesseract blue. “They weren’t his.” 

**

Loki pressed a hand against his burning wound. He didn’t remember how to properly heal, and it hurt, but his body wanted to move forward, to complete his task. His mind catalogued everyone he had to go through. He would return to the Winter Soldier and Rogers. 

Natasha’s face came to mind. She had been his partner. He felt like he should feel something towards her, but he felt nothing. 

There was a part of his mind that felt like it should be explored. Like it wanted to be. But Loki ignored it, because it wasn’t the mission. It wasn’t what he was meant to do.


End file.
